Hello and welcome! This little weekly column will present politics at its most absurd. SAtired supports freedom of speech, small government and free markets. This means were centrists. This is NOT a safe space!

The Weekly Squib* 

  • squib /skwɪb/ noun: squib 1. a small firework that issues a hissing sound before exploding into a short piece of satirical writing.

On the one hand, and on the other

On 10 February, Finance Minister Tito Mboweni took to Twitter, as is his wont. En passant, his Twitter handle describes him as ‘The Duke of the Duchy of Makgobaskloof (sic)’. Clearly a man who admires the titled ownership system of the European colonial project.

Sadly, his tweet said: ‘At the core of all this is the question of Race, Class, Gender and Power. The Colonialism of a Special Type will take long to resolve. Remember that the majority (not all) white people thought of themselves as the “civilising contingent into Africa”. Emphasis is on NOT ALL.’

He earned 350 Likes.

Contrast this with happier times at the SA Reserve Bank when, at a breakfast session in Joburg in 2006, Tito said: ‘I have sought to recruit many competent black people, and no sooner have we trained them than they leave. I get so upset! I am stopping this recruitment of black people. I am okay with my Afrikaners. They stay and do the work.’

Clearly, being Reserve Bank Governor in 2006 was more liberating than being the president’s finance minister in 2021.

[Image: World Economic Forum, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=30536600]

Boob job

Hospitals in the United Kingdom have begun using the term ‘chestfeeding’ instead of ‘breastfeeding’, just years after US academics published a study in which they argued that the promotion of breastfeeding as the ‘natural’ way to feed a child has many negative societal effects.

Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals in the United Kingdom have stopped using the word ‘breastfeeding’ for the word ‘chestfeeding’ in an attempt to be more inclusive of transgender individuals. 

Harvard Medical School has referred to women as ‘birthing people’ in an effort to ‘include those who identify as non-binary or transgender’.

‘We are concerned about breastfeeding promotion that praises breastfeeding as the ‘natural’ way to feed infants,’ wrote Jessica Martucci of the University of Pennsylvania Perelman School of Medicine and Anne Barnhill of Johns Hopkins University in the journal Pediatrics.

‘Promoting breastfeeding as “natural” may be ethically problematic, and, even more troublingly, it may bolster this belief that “natural” approaches are presumptively healthier.’

Martucci and Barnhill explained that in the 1950s and 1960s, a movement of women (and the medical establishment – Ed.) sought to promote breastfeeding in the wake of advances in medical formula technology. Said academics find this ‘ethically problematic’ because it may ‘support biologically deterministic arguments about the roles of men and women in the family’ — for example, ‘that women should be the primary caretakers of children’.

‘Referenceing the “natural” in breastfeeding promotion, then, may inadvertently endorse a controversial set of values about family life and gender roles, which would be ethically inappropriate,’ they state.

The researchers were also concerned that such rhetoric ‘may ultimately challenge public health’s aims in other contexts, particularly childhood vaccination.’

As recently as 2012, the American Academy of Pediatrics reaffirmed its stance that ‘breastfeeding and human milk are the normative standards for infant feeding and nutrition’.

‘Given the documented short- and long-term medical and neurodevelopmental advantages of breastfeeding, infant nutrition should be considered a public health issue and not only a lifestyle choice.’

Apparently not, according to these SJWs. If ever there was an argument against Americans sending their children to Ivy League private universities, this is it.

[Image: Pexels from Pixabay]

Juju skewers Cyril, again

You almost had to feel sorry for Cyril ‘Ramaphoria’ Ramaphosa at the SONA virtual debate on Tuesday. EVERYBODY slammed him. To misquote Dorothy Parker: ‘It serves us right for putting all our eggs in one bastard.’

Julius, however, always has a turn of phrase and tone that is as insulting as it is accurate: ‘You are incompetent, incapable and the most unreliable human being.

‘It has been three years since you took office and we can all say you have not achieved anything that is worth mentioning.

‘It’s now evident that the Guptas have been replaced by a very powerful white capitalist capture of the Ruperts, the Oppenheimers, Stephen Koseff, the Menells and all other white people who played a central role in buying the conference of the ruling party in 2017. We want to state categorically that any leader of our country who owes loyalty to settlers and white state capturers is defining himself as an enemy of the people. We will isolate and ultimately defeat all puppets of the white capitalist establishment.’

[Image: Journalist at eNCA, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=87966144]

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  1. “settlers and white state capturers is defining himself as an enemy of the people. We will isolate and ultimately defeat all puppets of the white capitalist establishment”

    Please Bra Julius can you define these terms a little more clearly for us — we need a little more detail
    We need to know EXACTLY who you are talking about
    The people you mention — well they are members of a certain “tribe” — the Thirteenth one

    Surely you do not mean to include us poor workers who never arrived on the Drommedaris who are NOT “settlers”

  2. Poor Julius, he feels so alone and have now found a partner that he named and identified as having achieved as much is 3 years as Julius himself have achieved since birth – absolutely nothing (even with all his so-called red-overalled ants).
    Pity those that strive to achieve nothing and actually achieves exactly that in their lifetime – Julius should join up with those woke feminists who think that just because they do not know how to boil water, that they cannot even make coffee or tea for themselves. They should emigrate to the USA to join the “person waiting for Biden to step down” – she would embrace them with open chest (sic).
    ‘Nuff said.

  3. Ag shame, so misguided. If we insist on calling it chestfeeding, they will surely sprout breasts and be able to feed a baby as nature intended? Might also try gestating a foetus in a box! Come on, call yourself what you like, it will not change what you are. Some of it can be done surgically (not to say it will function) but you need to accept physical things cannot be changed just with words.

  4. “The Colonialism of a Special Type” is code for Afrikaners, just as his complaint about “racism” at Tygerberg Hospital was code for the Western Cape.
    Don’t be fooled – his name isn’t Tito for nothing. An NDR fellow traveler enjoying the fruits of his ill-gotten Duchy through AA & BBBEE coercion.
    Give back the Land – Undo the Union!

  5. Re “Boob job” – 250 000 years of homo sapiens sapiens evolution declared wrong/idiotic by 0.0001% of the current world population with ±50 years experience.
    I have two words and they are not bon voyage.

  6. I may have this completely wrong, but despite arguably being one of the most racist reserve bank governors we’ve had, I don’t think Tito is doing a poor job at that at all.


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