What kind of children are ‘woke’ parents breeding?  Misfits?  Guilt-ridden vegans?  Rebels?  

The wokest of the woke will leave the sex column of their child’s birth certificate blank as they will not want him/her/it later to accuse them of gender tyranny by pre-empting any choice he/she/it may later wish to make.

They will also run vegan households, informing their children that meat and dairy increase the demand for cattle, whose emissions contribute to global warming and so imperil the planet.

Then, of course, there is the problem of systemic racism. All black children will be born into automatic victimhood and their white counterparts will be guilty of ‘whiteness’ from the moment of conception.

‘Don’t be fooled,’ one superwoke father, a generous contributor to Black Lives Matter, tells his 21-year old, who decided long ago that he is happy to be a male. ‘Those white friends of yours may be very polite, but that’s only because their racism is so subtle they don’t even know it. We must always be alert to all their hidden micro-aggressions. The whites have designed the system to keep us in perpetual subjugation. They brought their racism with them from Europe when they landed at the Cape.’

‘But, Dad, subjugation hasn’t worked with you. You are a multimillionaire, just like Cyril Ramaphosa.’

‘Only because of my status as a victim’

‘That makes no difference. Let me explain how it works. The racist system imposes all sorts of glass ceilings that stop blacks from getting decent jobs. That’s the first thing I learnt in whiteness studies at university, along with our courses on BEE. If I am rich it’s only because of my status as a victim. To be honest, that’s how I got all these non-executive directorships, procurement commissions, and share options.’

‘But, Dad, I don’t feel like a victim and I don’t want to be one. I was head boy at school. I play First XV rugby. I’ve won lots of class prizes. I’ve got white friends and black friends and we all treat one another the same. Most of us have been in the same engineering class for four years. We like the same music. We argue quite a bit, but nobody’s ever said anything racist. Most important, we trust one another. In fact, when we graduate next year a few of us will go into business together to exploit the fourth industrial revolution.’

‘Don’t be misled, my boy. They only want you so you can help them get procurement points and BEE ratings.’

‘But, Dad …’

‘But, Dad, you know my friends. They’ve been to this house, where you criticised them for turning me into a carnivore, but you’ve never once told me you thought my white friends were closet racists.’

‘That’s not the point. They don’t know it. They can’t even help it. We can’t see it. That’s what makes it so insidious. It does not matter what their subjective behaviour is, the objective reality is that the whole system is racist, just like capitalism and neo-liberalism. I could kick myself for not insisting that you take that course in critical race theory as part of your studies for your degree. Then you would have understood.’

‘Hang on a moment, Dad! I’ve got the solution! I don’t want to be a procurement meal ticket or a BEE quota. You told me when I was about five years old that I could choose to be a girl if I wished. I think the term you used was that I could “self-identify” as a girl, but I said I was happy to keep on being a boy.

‘You yourself, Dad, told me that after you gave birth to me you decided to self-identify as a man, which is why I have two fathers, although I must admit that it took me a bit of time to get used to calling you Dad instead of Mum. So it seems both fair and logical that if you were able to change your sex – I mean gender – I can change my race: I could self-identify as white and then I would no longer be a victim and the problem of systemic racism between me and my white friends would disappear. We’d all be equal. No surgery involved either!’

‘How could you do such a thing to me?’

‘No! No! No! That would automatically turn you into one of your own father’s oppressors. After all the money I’ve spent on your education, including sending you to the most expensive school in the country, how could you do such a thing to me?’

‘Gee, Dad. That’s a bit heavy. There’s also something else I have to tell you. Julia and I are planning to get married. We were going to announce it at graduation, but I might as well tell you now.’

‘Julia? That white girl you’ve brought here to dinner a few times?’

‘That’s the one.’

‘I suppose she also wants you to declare yourself white.’

‘Actually, no. We’ve never even thought of discussing it. But I don’t think she would care one way or the other.’   

His father buries his head in his hands.

‘Omigosh. What is the world coming to?’        

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Image: Flickr, J MacPherson

27 COMMENTS

  1. Ja well no fine, Mr Kane Berman what a great way to start a Monday with a laugh,, and a joke it would be if it wasn’t so chuffing true.

    The world has gone crazy both IN RSA and Globally.

    Power to your pen.

  2. Hehe.

    “… His father buries his head in his hands. …”: This should read “His father buries her head in her hands.”

    • And it will soon be illegal for white couples (male/female 🙂 ) to copulate because it may cause a white baby which is a racist

      • And the entire romance genre, books, movies, etc. where white couples are depicted will be banned because of the pain their whiteness causes. Authors, actors, directors will be guilty of crimes against humanity by default and liable for reparations

  3. There is another characteristic of the Woke — not a scintilla of a sense of humour. They are arch Puritans, all of them, the kind that would burn you at the stake to save your soul from Hell.

  4. Most people of this world have gone off the deep end. I saw the signs when I lived in Europe in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s. Being a white from South Africa in Europe then, I was immediately a racist. It didn’t matter what atrocities black people committed, white people were still the racists. It is only much worse now.
    I managed a youth hostel in a forest in the US in the 1990’s which attracted many Rainbow children. Young, lazy liberal people that travel around expecting freebies and sponge off other people. They are the pro-BLM’s and Antifa’s of today. I got rid of them very quickly and introduced a more diverse crowd of people which the liberal owner wasn’t too happy about.
    I am liberal and conservative depending on the situation but not extreme in either.
    San Fransisco had just changed the law from naming a “pet” to a “companion.” It didn’t stop there. A statue of Lenin was brought to Seattle from the USSR and installed in the Fremont neighborhood. It’s still there now.
    It’s no wonder we are where we are in the world today. The pendulum has swung to the extreme left but it always swings back.

    • The Russian mass-produced statues of Lenin (one for each town) had his arm stretched out, “Pointing to the Glorious Socialist Future”. Except it was generally felt he was really pointing to the nearest Vodka-selling store.

  5. The “woke” movement, if thats what it is, is taking on an almost religious fervour. Its adherents believe they are always morally right and anyone who questions it is automatically racist, homophobic etc. No evidence or fact is required and it is virtually impossible to even debate the issues without being labelled as “a-woke”…. like is the case when one dares to question a religion and becomes rejected as “a-theist”! Perhaps it is evolving as a result of the general decay of religion and its “morality” and is providing a new but similarly prejudiced view of how life should be lived.

  6. Indeed the old pendulum swings to & fro. Don’t despair just yet. It is up to you/us to provide a more compelling vision of the world, and its future posibilities, than that of the post-modernists now at the crest. If poor ideas are to be replaced by better ideas, the present central focus for common sense would be to open up, once again, the free market of ideas.

  7. Something I don’t understand is, according to one definition, racism is: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized. In the South African context, how can an overwhelming majority possibly be marginalized by a minority? I believe the bigger problem lies more with intra-race racism such as xenophobia, cadre-deployment, etc without any thought for the suffering rest of the majority. We can’t be compared with what’s going on in the USA and elsewhere in the world where so-called whites are in the majority. Or am I missing the plot?

    • That’s the point. Facts and evidence don’t matter to woke ideologs who think that they have the moral high ground under all circumstances.

  8. Great article, had me laughing and shaking my head at the same time. Oh, the shrinks who will have to sort out these “woke” idiots’ mental problems in a few years are going to make a mint…

  9. Great statement Sarel van Wyk! And if people are honest, this hole “woke” thing is aimed at Christian values.
    The words of an old song sprang into my mind when I read the article: ”it’s a strange, strange world we live in, master Jack” how things have changed since that song was popular! May God have mercy on us.

  10. Rob, racism is in its bare essence an inferiority complex, where one sector of life feels permanently inferior to another sector. This is born in and can therefore very seldom be changed, thus making the theory that it has to be a minority and majority thing irrelevant. As a child growing up in Durban a prevalent english community, the afrikaander was referred to as a rockspider and other derogatory terms, this by the subjects of a nation that did my volk much more harm than what apartheid ever did any other nation. It never caused me any suffering because I never felt nor will ever feel inferior to an englishman which to my mind is just a soutie, mostly with few morals. Racism is therefore here to stay. Just another one of satin’s tools to annoy God’s çhildren with.

  11. “Woke”? You think they are awake? I think not! I think it’s more “arse about face” than anything else. When you tell a little boy he is actually a girl and vice versa you are plain stupid and an obstacle in that child’s way – worthy of a millstone around your neck and into the ocean with you…

  12. Can we perhaps move to another subject? Racism is just one political playball for persons who believe that by definition of apartheid no black can be a racist, garbage that was used as anti white propaganda for decades.
    For decades we witnessed the destruction of communism over the world. Communists have a lot to say on the evil Nazis, who’s crimes are no worse than that committed by communists. Can anyone tell me what is the difference between a communist and a nazi? I’d like to have a view from a person who studied this subject.

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