In a coincidence of galactic proportions, aliens invented drones at the same time humanity did, and are now buzzing New Jersey.
A spate of unidentified aircraft have been spotted over built-up areas, over drinking water reservoirs, over airports, and over military installations, sending the mainstream news media and social internet into paroxysms of sensationalism, panic and paranoia.
The White House, the Pentagon, and the three-letter agencies have all had to deny responsibility for the supposed drone sightings, mostly over the US state of New Jersey, while assuring the public that they don’t pose a threat to anyone. They did not specify the nature or identity of the suspected drones.
That leaves just one explanation: aliens have invented drone technology, at the same time as humanity, in the most stupendous galactic coincidence since the discovery of the infinite improbability drive. That also explains exactly how these extraterrestrials cross interstellar distances in a few seconds, without all that tedious mucking about in hyperspace.
Lying
Unless, of course, the government spokespeople are lying, and why wouldn’t they? After all, they’re basically communists. They lied about pardoning Hunter Biden. They never say they stand for TRUTH. And they will undoubedtly be vindictive losers, like the Republicans were four years ago.
If so, the drones could be secret government surveillance, or attack craft deployed to prevent the inauguration of president-elect Donald Trump and install Kamala Harris as a puppet for the New World Order.
Or they could be unmanned aircraft systems flown by the Biden regime’s communist allies in China, Cuba or North Korea, to, uhm, prevent the inauguration of president-elect Donald Trump and install Kamala Harris as a puppet for the New World Order.
Some believe that the night-time drones are a false flag psy-op, launched by unknown deep state actors to put pressure on Congress to pass House Rule 8610, the Counter-UAS Authority Security, Safety, and Reauthorization Act.
Less prosaically, if the deep state does not use them to thwart the second coming of America’s lord and saviour, then they’re training for an apocalyptic drone war. That’s Dilbert creator Scott Adams’ theory, at least. The fact that the drone sightings stop at 11pm, he said, suggests they’re not merely being used to “sniff” for “radiation or chemical weapons”.
Marjorie Taylor Greene, always ready with a tweet from the lunatic fringe of Congress, says that Adams may be right, and that the government needs to come clean and tell the American people what is going on. This is funny, because she is in government.
Five hours earlier, Greene had punted a different theory, which is that they actually are searching for missing nuclear warhead material. “If Americans are in danger of a nuclear or dirty bomb, they deserve to know,” she wrote, deftly trying to allay public anxiety as any responsible elected official would do.
Federal probe
The governor of New Jersey, Phil Murphy, wrote to the president to demand federal funding for a probe into the mysterious sightings, saying that “state and local law enforcement entities remain hamstrung by existing laws and policies to successfully counteract them”.
This presupposes that there’s anything that needs to be counteracted, of course, but I guess any politician will say anything for more federal funding.
Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer proposed that the Department of Homeland Security deploy special detection systems that use 360-degree technology to detect drones. “If the technology exists for a drone to make it up into the sky, there certainly is the technology that can track the craft with precision and determine what the heck is going on,” he told CNN. (Shh, nobody tell him about radar.)
But don’t worry, New York governor Kathy Hochul is on the case. “This has gone too far,” she declared, after an hour-long airport closure caused by a drone overflight. She directed the New York State Intelligence Center to actively investigate drone sightings, adding that federal authorities are deploying a new “state-of-the-art drone detection system”.
Republican congresscritter Jeff Van Drew told Fox News the drones were from “a mothership” from Iran that is “off the East Coast of the United States of America.”
“There is not any truth to that,” deputy Pentagon press secretary Sabrina Singh told CNN. “There is no Iranian ship off the coast of the United States, and there’s no so-called mothership launching drones towards the United States.”
Shaky video
Most of the sightings are typical of the fare peddled in UFO circles: short, shaky, out-of-focus video clips of unidentifiable lights in the sky. Some turned out to be stars, or the moon, or other optical illusions. Most turn out to look exactly like manned aeroplanes (which just goes to prove that they can disguise themselves as manned aeroplanes, of course).
So there are far fewer real drone sightings than being reported, since most are cases of mistaken identity.
It is legal, subject only to ordinary Federal Aviation Authority (FAA) regulations, to fly commercial drones in New Jersey. Many commercial drone manufacturers, and several military contractors, have operations in New Jersey. There are designated drone test sites in the area, and more being developed, but there is no reason major manufacturers couldn’t fly private drones whenever they choose, provided they follow FAA rules.
If these drones had a nefarious purpose, such as being secret military surveillance craft, or an attack from an Iranian mothership, or training for drone warfare, or secretly scanning for missing nukes, or a false-flag terror attack, then one would expect them not to fly around lit up like Christmas trees. That they appear to meticulously follow FAA regulations also suggests they are not alien ships, because extraterrestrials are unlikely to follow terrestrial laws.
So, there were probably a handful of sightings of privately operated drones, alongside an avalanche of misidentified nonsense reports. And the government of a free country has no business “counteracting” or even “detecting” private drones operating within the law.
There is no reason the Pentagon, the White House, or the FBI would be aware of them. They would simply say, “they’re not ours; we don’t know whose they are,” which is exactly what they did.
And the sightings appear to stop at 11pm, Mr Adams, because that’s when people go to bed and stop looking for overflying aircraft.
Evil clowns
Once the panic hit the headlines and started trending on social media, I’ll bet every wannabe TikTok star, YouTuber and 4chan chucklehead who owns a consumer drone attached some bright lights to their rig and went outside to contribute to the widespread consternation.
This has all the hallmarks of an outbreak of mass hysteria, like the evil clown panic of 2016, spiced up with elements of paranoid QAnon conspiracies.
Not surprising, perhaps, that Americans voted the way they did. A suprising number of their compatriots are labour under minds unmoored from reality, teetering on the edge of madness.
Image: A news report shows a typically high-quality shot of an unidentified drone recently sighted over the eastern US, screen capture from ABC News.
The views of the writer are not necessarily the views of the Daily Friend or the IRR.
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