Let’s talk about New Year’s resolutions and the light at the end of the tunnel that is your destiny in 2025. Having studied the nature of these things for some time now, I have good news and bad news (you can decide which is which): the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train, but Eskom is in charge of its load-shedding schedule.
Just kidding, there is no light, and even if there is, it is probably not for you.
It is fun to indulge in fantasy at the end of the year, but the ritual has become a cosplay of a future self that is unlikely because you believe that if you can dream it, you can do it. It simply does not work like that. In a world structured around instant gratification and immediate reward systems via social media, it is a trap individuals, business owners, and politicians alike fall into repeatedly.
As the DisMotivational speaker, I guide audiences to look at it from a more rational angle. It is not de-motivational, or unmotivational, but dismotivational – a lateral shift.
Careful review
After a careful review of neuroscience, behavioural psychology, many books on the secrets to happiness and success, and some impressive navel-gazing, I suggest that the only light you need in the tunnel is the ambient light that lights up the tunnel itself. The magnificent orb at the end of the underpass is a mirage.
It is like a rainbow; real to look at, but merely a beautiful refraction of atmospheric light. You can see it, you can photograph it, but you cannot build a house there and you should not make reaching it a goal.
A more productive set of skills would be to know how to cope with the tunnel better. Not transform the tunnel, nor turn it into a magical disco – cope with it. As. It. Is. The moment you turn away from the big light, your eyes will adjust and the tunnel becomes more clear. It is not as narrow as you think, for starters. Nor as dark. The tunnel has a lot of cool stuff in it if you keep your eyes open. But we don’t look, because years of conditioning have taught us that anything that isn’t the light is something filthy that has to be escaped, rather than processed more constructively. Tunnel vision is a function of the light, not the tunnel.
Stop chasing the light. Even if you could capture it, there is nothing you can do with it. Did you know, there is no place in the brain for ‘happiness’ or ‘success’? These are ephemeral concepts. We are biologically and neurochemically designed to search but never find. It is not a flaw in the blueprint, but a feature.
Remain static
If we were completely happy and content, we would stop trying and remain static. Dopamine reward pathways fire up most at the start of a journey and deplete the moment you reach a goal, forcing you to want a new one. Reaching the goal is not the real reward, the prize is in the anticipation of reward. Dopamine is thus not about the pursuit of happiness, but rather the happiness of high expectations.
Step into the tunnel with me for a second, please. Let us unpack the New Year’s resolution habit biochemically. These rituals feel powerful and meaningful, which is why we keep repeating them. Ultimately, they are counter-productive. They represent the thrill of the hunt, the promise of the Holy Grail. Plus there is music and booze and mutual back-slapping.
It’s a massive dopamine spike, which will inevitably – that means always – be followed by a low, especially if you haven’t earned the reward yet. By the end of January, you will not have made significant progress and be very surprised as to why that is.
Together with the dopamine system, we are hardwired for novelty. Humans are inquisitive creatures. We like learning new things, not because we are particularly bright, but because we can’t help it – that is how we were made.
New things excite us to such an extent we make them up, like celebrating our planet’s orbit around the sun on a random date. We are also self-aware beings. The conscious mind attaches great value to a sense of self-improvement, without which it languishes. It is all biological bribery to keep us moving.
Real-life skills
How does this knowledge translate into real-life skills? If the light at the end of the tunnel is not real and personal growth is important for survival, how do you navigate the tunnel? You become curious about the tunnel. Harness your instinct towards novelty by becoming fascinated by it. What is the composition of the crap under your feet? Wow, what interesting plants are sprouting from it! You never knew that before!
The tunnel has some cool shit, some hilarious shit, and some profound shit. Become mindful and true. Ask yourself why you keep stepping into the shit all the time? Why does it always have to be knee-deep? Inhale, take notes, exhale. Figure it out. Laugh at yourself. Life in the tunnel is mostly uncomfortable, that is true, but it is also funny and outrageously interesting. Not great, but not bad. That is the perfect homeostasis you are aiming for in a way: enough ‘not great’ that it makes you try harder, but enough ‘not bad’ to allow you to experience joy and gratitude. You want to look back and think: “Look how far I have come.”
The glow of contentment and achievement is always reflective and borne of effort. That is also the only time you will experience the light when you look backwards in the tunnel and realise the times of true joy were moments of love and achievement from times of toil. We’ve all passed through the light many times but didn’t realise it, because we are so blinded by the light shining out of the ass of our future selves we start living in our own shadow. It is time to make more realistic goals.
Lazy thing
It is a lazy thing to wish happiness on a person, especially on a new year. You are squandering dopamine and abusing the novelty instinct. Patting yourself on the back for something you haven’t done yet is wasteful and unproductive. And then we put it on social media and do a song and dance. ‘Look at me! Look at me! I am a goblin at the end of the rainbow!” More dopamine is down the drain.
Your reward pathways will counterbalance and you will find you run out of motivation before the month is done. Sorry for you.
Let us wish each other a year filled with radical curiosity and relentless authenticity instead, regardless of what it brings. That is how we do things in the tunnel. In the interest of newness, don’t resolve to lose that same blasted 5kg you intend on losing every year, do it differently this time: challenge yourself to figure out why the pattern is repeating itself. Then make small adjustments and see if it works better. Step in more shit. Laugh more. Ask more questions. Show more compassion. Explore the tunnel.
Whatever you do, don’t stare too long into the light. It is a lovely refraction for dream purposes, but a curse in reality.
I wish you not happiness, but the capacity to be okay with being uncomfortable.
The views of the writer are not necessarily the views of the Daily Friend or the IRR.
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Image by Franz Bachinger from Pixabay