But if ‘decent work’ really is what the International Labour Organisation’s conference is all about, rather than slumming it in Switzerland, why not hold it in one of the world’s leading unemployment locations like Khayelitsha?
I can’t think of too many commercial enterprises where it would be possible for a new CEO to be appointed to rescue an ailing company at a very fat salary only to push off to one of Europe’s more glitzy destinations for a junket rather than get on with the job in hand.
But politics ain’t the commercial world, as we know, and in South African politics you can now earn a multiple of what you could hope to earn in the private sector both as an MP and more particularly as a cabinet minister.
In fact, if you make the dizzy heights of cabinet minister your employer will throw in two ‘official’ cars (one for Cape Town and one for Pretoria presumably – it is, as we all know, impossible to drive between the two places) worth R1.6 million each, a nice apartment overlooking the Atlantic ocean for a rental of around R2 500 a month and more flights than you or your family could ever hope to use. Add to that all the free or sponsored booze and food and, with any luck, you would never need to touch your monthly salary and could donate to needy people on the Cape Flats should you feel so inclined.
As reported earlier this week on the Daily Friend, Pres Cyril Ramaphosa pushed off to an eleven-day junket in Geneva ( the one in Switzerland, not Illinois) with a team of around 50 to attend the International Labour Organisation’s 108th Conference on ‘Building a future with decent work’.
It’s worth having a look at the list of conference delegates on the website www.ilo.org just to see who bothered to turn up and who didn’t. Unless my counting is faulty, Canada only had a delegaton of around 30, but Nigeria’s list started on page 91 of the delegate’s list and dragged on to the middle of page 95. My eyes went a bit fuzzy because I was trying to read off my cell phone, but I lost count at 250. At least 250 Nigerians now know what it’s like to have a reliable supply of electricity. Even bankrupt Venezuela managed to scrape together enough foreign currency to send a delegation of around 40, but, unless they are travelling under an assumed name, both the United States of America and the United Kingdom were conspicuous by their absence.
Those in favour of such junkets will ask those of us who are less convinced whether we don’t believe the future of decent work is relevant to South Africa and tell us that we should be proud and honoured that our own President was invited to act as co-chairman of this august boondoggle. My response is that of course the future of decent work is relevant to South Africa, but where I have a problem is that I remain sceptical that hanging out with 250 Nigerians and other assorted international freeloaders is really going to make any difference. Hell, I’ve been around the block a few times in my long career as a dissolute and I know all about conferences, although I’ve never cracked the nod to an eleven-day one held in Geneva. Best I could manage was a three-day event at Sun City.
So the first day you arrive, go to the registration desk and get your conference kit before checking into your booked room. That evening is the welcome cocktail party where you meet a few of your fellow delegates and make a quick decision who to avoid for the next few days, at the same time checking the ring fingers of the female delegates. The first morning of conference, the MC welcomes you and introduces the first speaker of the morning who is almost certainly the conference keynote speaker draw-card. From here on it will all be downhill. You listen attentively to the keynote speaker and the following speaker and then break for tea. After tea you shuffle back for the panel session on something as invigorating as ‘can transitioning men get jobs as tea ladies?’ by which time it’s the lunch break and the other delegates are already four deep at the bar ordering doubles. The afternoon session starts at 2pm sharp but when you return to the conference room you notice that 50% of the morning’s delegates are missing. And that’s how it goes on, so don’t tell me that it’s any different at a conference as numbingly dull as the International Labour Organisation’s. Can you even begin to imagine how bored with it all you would be by day 5 let alone day 11?
Telling me that this conference is important to attend because we urgently need to create jobs in this country is likely to produce an upward eye rolling response in me. This conference, in my humble, uneducated, ‘alt-right’ opinion, is likely to do for employment in this country what the annual Davos shindig does for the eradication of poverty every year. And while my blood pressure is up, why are these conferences always held in glamorous locations? What’s wrong with Iran or Syria and if you really want to be taken seriously when you’re holding a conference on ‘Building a future with decent work’? Why not hold it in one of the world’s leading unemployment locations like Khayelitsha?
Finally, should we not have shared the enthusiasm for the ‘great honour’ Cyril enjoyed by being invited to co-chair the conference? Well, actually no. Judging by the amount of media coverage it has enjoyed on the BBC, Sky, CNN and even our own local channels, hardly anybody seems to have noticed it was even taking place.
What I would prefer, if I may use a nautical metaphor, is for the captain to be on the bridge of the good ship ‘SS RSA’ when we are as storm-tossed as we are and colliding with icebergs. Or maybe that should be ‘Acebergs’.
David Bullard is a columnist, author and celebrity public speaker known for his controversial satire.
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