30 years into the constitution, and South Africans are tuning in to the Phala Phala drama like Dallas in prime time. Podcasters add to it.
We have a relatively young constitution, only 10 years older than the modern smartphone and slightly younger than the famous TV series that had all races glued to their screens in the late ‘80s – Dallas. The viewership numbers for the doings of the Ewings on Southfork Ranch pale into insignificance when compared to the goings-on at Phala Phala, the game farm of South African president Cyril Ramaphosa, or, if YouTube sub-titling is to be believed, Sir Ramporra or Surampza.
We now consume the inner workings of parliamentary committee proceedings like we did JR’s latest dirty trick. More people than ever know what an impeachment hearing is, what the constitution stands for, and are placing bets on the outcomes. We always said we wanted freedom of information and participative democracy, but I don’t think anyone expected it to look like this. Cell phones have replaced boxes in the living room, podcasters are replacing news readers, and social media is putting pre-emptive pressure on politicians to the extent that the constitutional court had to step in. Opinionistas chimed in.
Ferial Haffajee from the Daily Maverick penned the line “Sofa, so good,’ sketching a scenario where President Ramaphosa has taken the ruling under review and, at least on paper, has legal legroom. Yet, she reports that MPs are losing patience with all the deflections and lack of answers regarding the simplest of questions on this matter. Thus, legal wrangling might be moot: ‘Where is the couch?’ demanded a member of an opposition party repeatedly; ‘I ask again, where is the couch?”
A rather engaging exchange took place on the SABC when the newscaster suggested to an MK spokesperson that Phala Phala might be Ramaphosa’s version of Jacob Zuma’s Nkandla scandal, and thus his downfall. The MK member was visibly offended, saying it was not comparable at all; nothing untoward occurred at Nkandla, and Zuma did nothing wrong. Instead, he accused the newscaster of being complicit in wrongdoing: “Your institution, the SABC, is run by a criminal, a constitutional delinquent. The state must confiscate Phala Phala. It is a crime scene!” The newscaster was affronted by the accusation that he somehow reported directly to the president. The MK guy was taken aback by the affrontation, and it was downhill from there. This interchange was even more enchanting when you watch podcast host Bonsai Shongwe, gleefully reacting to it on his podcast. Shongwe is a treasure. As a preacher, he is articulate and clearly spoken, to the extent that the YouTube caption generator almost spelt Ramaphosa correctly.
Shongwe has been agitating for movement on the Phala Phala matter for a long time and erupted into joyous celebration when the Constitutional Court not only made a decision, but also apologised for the delay. He said that we must give Malema his due for this victory: “When he is not doing his divisive, hateful, leftist rhetoric, the nation is indebted to him for this. It is to the benefit of the whole nation.’ Shongwe cautions observers not to interpret this as a victory for opposition parties, since the EFF, ATM, and MK are all offshoots of the mother party. ‘This is the ANC eating itself. Real opposition parties have to stand up and take action.” Their light must shine in its own right, like the lamp in the Bible verse in Mathew 5:15, he said.
Renaldo Gouws does not have Shongwe’s cheery delivery. Plus, he has a beard and moustache, so one can forgive the YouTube caption generator for creative license when it comes to writing out Sir Ramaporra’s name. Gouws did an analysis of Surampza’ s journey with this matter, including his prediction of what he thinks Summa Porza will do next. ‘What all South Africans can celebrate, though, is that once again, a president is being held to account.” He says faction fighting within the ANC makes conditions ripe for a new ANC president, possibly, Fquila.
The Daily Friend Show, the podcast version of SA’s leading liberal opinion site, suggested this was a Frankenstein ruling, in that there are many ambiguities that could be exploited by the president’s legal team, including the fact that the Constitutional Court might have overstepped its own scope. Hermann Pretorius, to whom one must always listen carefully for fear of missing out on a witticism or sharp observation, said Roza’s time might be up. ‘The CR17 campaign positioned Ramaphosa as the new dawn. He turned out to be just another ou donner.’ He explained that impeachment was an unlikely and difficult procedure, but marveled at how the whole country now seemed engrossed in this high-stakes theatre.
STREET LEVEL REACTION:
I am not sure who the showrunner for CR2026 is, but they have already allowed a plotline that includes a vanishing money-eating sofa, exotic businessmen, kidnapping and assault, mysterious deaths, and 20 wild beasts, so anything can happen, I guess. It is, however, unlikely that Cyril Ramaphosa will emerge alive and well, stepping out of the shower, like Bobby Ewing did, as if it was all a bad dream. This season of The Cyril Show is unlikely to be renewed.
At street level, voters are realising that democracy is not necessarily a stiff and formal process: it can be alive and direct, and you can tell the government what you think of them, every day on your phone, from the safety of your own couch. And people do, ranging in tone from a vitriol that would make Penny Sparrow seem progressive to some gentle humour that uplifts. Delightful AI-illustrated children’s books make the rounds, positioning Squirrel die Rampokker on his steal-y Posturepedic as a cautionary tale about the dangers of greed. We laugh and cheer and rage together in brazen, uncensored opinion. Once you allow yourself to say certain things out loud, it might be easier to indicate them on a secret voting ballot. This public pressure in an election year certainly contributed towards the Constitutional Court making the ruling after five years.
The pitchforks are coming, but they don’t wield blades and spikes anymore. They brandish something far more menacing – likes, shares and memes. Let them eat Cupcake.
[Vivienne Vermaak is an award-winning journalist and keynote speaker. info@vivienne.co.za]
The views of the writer are not necessarily those of the Daily Friend or the IRR.
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