I just made my bed. 34 Seconds if you straighten the duvet and wipe the crumbs and the dog off. It takes 8min 36 seconds if I change all the linen, make the bed ‘properly’ and pose the pillows in an excellent formation.
Either way, time in my life that I will never get back. I only did it as an exploration for this piece. My final research finding is this: Do NOT make your bed – it is a largely irrational and unproductive act.
In 2014, General McRaven made the commencement address to the graduates of the University of Texas: ‘If you wanna change the world, start by making your bed’! The phrase reverberated around the world. Jordan Peterson, not to be outdone, took it a step further than the bed: ‘If you want to change the world, clean your room’. He wrote a book about it, a best seller.
Please don’t listen to them. They’ll confuse you.
The first question you have to ask yourself is: ‘Do I want to change the world’? Well, do you? Really? That’s what you want? The entire planet, to transform it? Or will you be satisfied with meaningful relationships, love, a stable income, a sense of self-actualisation, being fascinated with how the universe is put together and the capacity to find joy in small things despite life’s tendency to be largely shit?
Either way, making your bed ain’t it. It’s not the mythical ‘first step’.
Albert Einstein did not make his bed; he was an infamous slouch. So was Edison. And Jobs. Marcus Aurelius didn’t even have a bed – he slept on the floor. So did Shaka. And the people who invented the wheel? They did not wake up, and the first thing they did was to re-organise their small patch of savanna into a slightly more symmetrical shape. Nope, they leapt out of the prairie bright and early, ready to try something new.
The notion that ‘neatness’ somehow leads to more productivity is nonsense.
Research conducted at the University of Minnesota showed that people operating in a messy environment came up with more exciting and creative ideas, whereas orderly environments encouraged convention. So if your goal is to “change the world” (an outrageously creative idea), making the bed is not for you. In general, it is better for you to embrace chaos or at least not be afraid of it. Instead, learn to cope with operating optimally despite an imperfect and disordered environment. A better objective would be – how to not make your bed and still achieve your weight loss goals, for instance. That is a more constructive way of organising your thoughts.
This concept of neatness as it relates to productivity, especially in the work environment, is an artefact of the mid-19th century. Before that, the image of the genius with the messy desk was standard. The message was clear: ‘I have more important things to do’. Mark Twain purposefully left his desk cluttered with photos. Busy people did not have time to clean their desks. Smart people can see the order in anarchy. Einstein famously pointed out: ‘If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?’
Of what, then, is the mark of a made bed? Well, best-selling books, for one. In the hands of the motivational speaker, this worldwide outburst of bed-making has become a proxy for a false sense of achievement. People are going around congratulating themselves for doing nothing at all! It’s another one of those ‘everyone gets a prize just for showing up’ brainwaves. It’s a dangerous idea. Try to keep it away from your children.
Humans do find value in ritual; that much is true. Routine provides comfort and confidence, but neuroscience is clear on the mechanism for motivation. The dopamine reward cycles, which are responsible for improvement, ambition and drive, rely on incremental improvements being real and directly related to the goal. If you ‘reward’ yourself emotionally for merely looking at a neat sheet, you might have tricked your brain into thinking the plan has been achieved. It can become counter-productive. You might reason when you eat that second muffin at work: ‘Well, at least I made my bed. I’m still a winner’. Don’t waste your dopamine. Reward yourself only when there is a real purpose to your acts. According to behavioural psychologists, the trick lies in delaying rewards as much as possible and allowing yourself fewer of them. That way, they become more powerful and effective.
Stop patting yourself on the back the whole time. It is a losing strategy.
What I am interested in, and trying out in real-time, is to live more rationally. And to be cautious of unproductive feats, even though they provide temporary relief. As Jordan Peterson suggested, I am starting with my bed.
Don’t be afraid. You too can stop doing it.
Try the following: If you find great satisfaction in a made bed, use it as a prize for successfully completing your eating and exercise regimen for the day. Make your bed just before you go to sleep. Double it up as a ceremony to welcome a peaceful and productive night’s rest, which increases metabolism and weight loss. Who will look at the bed while you are at work, anyway? And the mattress will get some air. Try it, and see what happens. Change the dopamine cycles around to give them more aspiration.
Or do 10 push-ups for every corner of the sheet you fit. That is more sensible.
If it is not about the bed, don’t make it about the bed.
Parents might wonder what the implications of my method are for children with messy rooms. Leave them. What Little Porkies do in the privacy of their own room is their business, but make it a non-negotiable that there are different rules in communal spaces like the kitchen or bathroom.
Orderliness in a group or social environment is different. It is a form of politeness and efficiency. It teaches awareness of the other’s needs and shows pre-emptive respect. Demand social responsibility on the “commons” but allow freedom as an individual in their bed-making practices. Peppa will probably self-regulate, and you will have taught a much more valuable lesson than: ‘Because I told you so’, especially since you only told them to do it because a man in uniform who thinks world domination is a good idea told you so.
The universe is beautiful chaos. Life is messy and cluttered and shambolic. So embrace it in that form. Don’t start your day with the delusion that you have the power to change it by shifting layers of cotton around on square sponges.
And remember, whatever you choose to do with it – it is still your bed, and you will have to lie in it.
(Viv Vermaak aims to be South Africa’s first demotivational speaker. Or at least a dis-motivational one. She has taken the first professional step by publishing this article.)
[Photo: Getty]
The views of the writer are not necessarily the views of the Daily Friend or the IRR.
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